BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY. IT COUNTS EVEN IF IT DOESN'T.

Be Careful what you say...it counts.

I overheard two persons at the fitness gym today talking about their respective recuperations from heart and pulmonary surgery. The conversation went like this:

#1 "I don't know when I'm ever going to feel better."
#2 "I used to feel that way. You'll get over it."

I was struck by the possible interpretations from that snippet. What did they each mean?

Was #1 saying she knew that her illness was chronic and that recovery for her was not possible?
Was she venting her frustration at how long it was taking to recuperate? Maybe she was just complaining and discouraged? Who knows what she was saying. At this point we can only guess.

The #2 person's response was curious. What did she mean? Was she offering an encouraging word that was saying she had been sick too and now she is better and soon #1 will too? Was she telling #1 what to feel? Was she trying to solve her own problem of not knowing what to say? Was this just a casual comment; a cliche?
How could #2 say "You'll get over it"? Over what? Feeling sick? Not getting better? Being discouraged? Or, "Cheer up. Things will get better you'll see." What does #2 know about #1's condition in the first place. They only say hi to each other at the gym.

All these possibilities from just two sentences strung together. How are we to know what either one of them meant or heard the other one say?

That is exactly the point. We don't know what we don't know. However, according to the common rules of commiseration when someone is sick we are to offer some kind of kind statement.
If that were true then it doesn't matter what person #2 says. Her good intentions are all that count. She meant well by what she said. No harm done. Maybe not. Maybe. Maybe the result was benign. Whatever happened the two did not continue talking. Which raises more questions. Was #2 satisfied or put off by #1's response? Did she find it helpful or not? If so how was it helpful? If not how was it not helpful? Or did she ignore the comment?

Back to the point. Even with good intentions we still don't know what we don't know. If you think the answer is simple that is fine but simple does not answer what they were actually talking about. It only defines your (the reader) answer. How can anyone get inside their heads?

To this writer, there is much more here than meets the eye. Or the ears. Or mind. Or heart.
One of those things are the fascinating (to me anyway) complexities of language which bring persons close or keep them at a preferred distance. Every word we speak allows someone to inch towards us or leaves them where they are or pushes them away.

This simple and complex two sentence interchange is a microcosm for the language we use to create or not create intimacy. Or closeness, Or empathy. Or just being on the same wave length.

The old children's poem is a lie to protect. "Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Maybe they will and maybe they won't. It depends, does it not? The words may be well intended and "meaningless" or deliberately spiteful. The words may harm through benign neglectfulness or a direct attack. Or through an everyday conversational exchange.

Be careful what you say..it counts.