" Well I'll be.."

Have you ever said to yourself or another person, "I just can't seem to be myself around him/her? Or maybe you said out loud or in your head, "I feel awkward around
her/him. I'm afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing."

How does that happen? Yet,when you are with others you relax and freely speak you mind. It is almost like you hide yourself from certain people lest they be critical or ignore you. This person or persons may be any relative: a mother or brother or even a coworker or boss. The point is there is a fear of being yourself.

Again, I ask the question: How does this happen? How do we put ourselves in a one down position with them? Could it be we believe they have some kind of power over us? Perhaps. Could it be this person reminds us of someone similar in our past and we are reacting? Or maybe they just don't like us for some unknown reason and we pick up on their negativity.

All those are possible explanations. Take your pick. Before you do here is another possibility: The stories we tell ourselves and that others "tell" us about us "do us in". We believe our own stories and their stories; sometimes to our own detriment.

Joe: "Hello Sally. How are you? Today?"("I wonder if she still sees me as that guy who can't put together a simple sentence together in a meeting?")

Sally: "Oh Hi Joe. Can't stop now I have a deadline." ("What a boring guy. Never says what's on his mind and talks in a monotone.")

Joe: "Well. Ok. Sal. Good, err great to see you... maybe we can touch base later."

Sally: "Sure." ("I hope not.")

Joe: ("I've always been awkward with words around women. I just can't seem to relax and just have a normal conversation with them.")


Joe goes home and tells his wife about the short encounter he had with Sally. In fact he finds himself getting angry. "I get so made at myself for losing my confidence around women like Sally who think their better than others."

Wife: "Honey did you hear what you just said? You said 'made' instead of 'mad'."

Joe: "What Cindy? I did? As in I get so mad for not being myself?" Or "I made myself so mad I could have let her have it."

Cindy: "Yes Joe you sort of said both."

Joe: "I did didn't I?" Well I'll be... Sounds to me like getting mad gets me going.

Cindy: "Hmm."

Joe: "You know what? I remember someone like Sally whom I was shy around until I got angry at her for treating me like dirt. And you know what happened? She backed off and we began to talk."

Cindy: "I remember that incident. I remember when you have asserted yourself with me too. We end up having better sex and more respect for each other."

Joe: "Well I'll be..."